Aubrie Edmond, Contributing Writer

I used to feel bored a lot of the time, which was such a useless feeling. To combat this, I decided to take on more challenges: harder classes, more complete projects, more academic books, more work. I decided to apply to law school, get a job, and to write an album. I started reading Freud and Jung, practiced writing fiction and editing, and got back into fashion. Throughout my adolescence, there are a lot of parts of myself that I’ve noticed I have let go of. It feels like my childlike whimsy has been leaking out of me like a defective sponge, and I’ve been struggling to retain the dregs. Part of me wonders if it’s just a part of getting older, growing into the body of a person your past self would find unrecognizable.

Recently, I have decided to take on another challenge. I am going to sign up to speak at my college commencement ceremony. This was not something I could have ever seen myself being interested in, but something inside me feels the need to add another challenge to the long list of things that I’ve overcome. I am not a public speaker, there is no message that I am feeling compelled to relay, but I still feel the need to put myself out there.

There’s a part of me that wonders if I should be wary of this drive. Sometimes I feel like I am not even the one in the driver’s seat. I know there’s a fire inside me, but I don’t know how hot or how bright it can burn. What if it becomes all-consuming, will I eventually burn myself out? How do I find the line between being challenged and causing myself unnecessary stress? Life is all about finding that balance, that sweet spot. It’s okay to go full throttle and then hit the brakes, to give yourself whiplash over and over again.

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